Being Honest
by kestralgirl1
Summary: Ginny needs to be honest with herself about her feelings even if she can't tell her best friend...but what would Hermione say if she found out?
1. Chapter 1

Hermione, I…' I begin, but I can't get the words out.

I take a deep breath and gather my courage, (well, the little I have anyway) and open my mouth to try again.

Nothing.

I give up turn away from the mirror I was facing to sit at the desk in my room and put my head on my arms.

_Great,_ I think, _I can't even say it to a mirror._

How am I going to admit it to her if I can't even admit it to myself? Maybe that means there's nothing to admit?

_Sure, keep telling yourself that,_ my brain repeated for the millionth time.

I groan to myself and wonder how I am going to deal with this. I can't carry on this way. I can't keep 'dealing' with it the same way I have been for the last four years. I'll have to tell her soon because I think my head might explode if I don't.

_Just say it. Admit it. _

I haven't ever been able to admit to myself how I feel, though I know my feelings have been building for a long time.

_Just do it. Get it all out before you lose yourself again._

I raise my head and grab a piece of parchment and a quill to start writing everything I feel down so the words would be somewhere else besides in my head - and my heart. I focus on Hermione's face again and force myself to continue. I spend the next hour getting everything out and onto the parchment. When I finally finish I read it over to admit to myself everything I've been feeling and everything that has been bubbling to the surface for a long time now, just begging to come out.

_Hermione,_

_I'm writing this because I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage to tell you in person._

_Everyone thinks its Harry I want, but it's not._

_I hero-worshipped him, yes, but only during my first year. After he saved me from Riddle though I began to see him differently, as a brother, and I also saw you differently, as something more._

_I saw you at school and I saw you at home in the summer, and…things changed…everything changed._

_I made you think I didn't want Harry or anyone else. But it wasn't true. Then I let you think it was Harry I tried to make jealous by being with Michael and Dean. But it wasn't him that I wanted to take notice and to be jealous._

_But it _was_ Harry that eventually took notice and I went along with it by becoming his girlfriend – but it wasn't _his _girlfriend I wanted to be._

_But still, I did it for you._

_Right from the start you gave me advice on how to get Harry to like me, thinking it was him I pined for. If only you knew. I went along with it as it made _you_ happy. I began dating Michael and then Dean at your suggestion to make _you_ happy. And then I dated Harry because it made _you _happy._

_When Harry called it off after Dumbledore's funeral it didn't bother me or upset me because I knew he'd still be around as the brother I saw him as._

_But then you all left to stop Voldemort. _You_ were gone._

_Again, everyone thought it was Harry I missed, that it was Harry I worried about, that I cried for Harry and that it was Harry I needed._

_But it wasn't._

_It was _you_ that I missed every second of every day. It was _you_ that I worried something would happen to. It was _you _that I cried myself to sleep over every night thinking that if you died I wouldn't even know it. It was _you_ that I needed with me, beside me, to quell my fears and to know that you were safe._

_When I saw you in the Room of Requirement that day, when you finally came back…I nearly cried with happiness. I nearly _died _with happiness. I barely even saw Harry, barely cared that my own brother had followed you in. I only saw _you_._

_After Fred died I didn't know what I was going to do. A piece of me broke apart, began to crumble and fade away. But then, as always, _you_ were there. My light in the darkness. Harry and my family tried to help but they had their own pain to deal with and so they couldn't get through to me. _You_ hid your own pain away and stayed with me every night, holding me and letting me cry. _You_ were just...there for me. You still are. _You_ stopped the pain and because of _you_ the broken part of me began healing._

_Now you're back at home with your parents after you found them and restored their memories and I know how happy that makes you._

_Before you and I go back to Hogwarts though I have to be honest with myself._

_Harry wants us to get back together but I can't. I won't lie and tell him I love him when I know I don't. I won't do that again. Even though I can't be with you, too much has happened for me to live a lie._

_I know you love Ron, and I could never hurt him, my own brother, by telling you the truth even if I could make myself be honest with you. Besides, he makes you happy and he would never hurt you, and I can't ask for more that._

_But I need to say this to myself even if I'll never say it to you because…I have to be honest, even if it's just with myself._

_I love you, Hermione...I'm _in_ love with you…_

_I've always loved you but I only realised it while you were gone. I never thought I could feel so much pain for one person or fear so much for one person…or feel so much love for one person._

_I may never have your love Hermione, but I know that I will always love you, care for you, and cherish each moment I have with you, because…you're my always…and my everything._

After I finish reading I fold the parchment and hide it in the compartment at the back of my diary I keep under my mattress.

'Ginny! Time for dinner!'

I hear my Mum calling me and return the diary to its hide-away spot and head down to the kitchen still thinking about you. Before I enter the kitchen I stop and think about all that I wrote and how true every word is and how I wish you were in my arms right now.

I know you love Ron and I wouldn't do anything to ruin that, but I know I'll never stop hoping for a way for you to love me, where my brother doesn't get hurt in the process.

Knowing it'll never happen I enter the kitchen and sit down.

But still, I can always hope.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The days roll over into one another until there's just a few days left until school starts.

My sweet Hermione...how I've missed her. She got here this morning and will be staying until we return to Hogwarts and I couldn't be happier about that. She's been in high spirits most of the time, due to having her parents back in her life no doubt.

Harry stayed here for about two weeks after we finished helping clear up and sort out Hogwarts. When I told him I wouldn't be getting back together with him, he surprisingly accepted both it and my reasons without question, although he was clearly disappointed with my answer (as was my mother in particular). After that he then moved into Grimmauld Place, stating that he needed to live more independently and try not to rely on everyone so much, while promising us all that he would come to dinner at least once a week and visit as much as possible. We haven't seen much of him lately though, or Ron for that matter, as they're both at the ministry every day with Dad taking care of one thing or another and they're also about to start their Auror training courses.

That's the one thing that is bothering Hermione (though she understands and doesn't cause a fuss about it). The fact that she can't see Harry everyday anymore and that she's not going to be able to see much of Ron, her own boyfriend whose family she's presently staying with, before we head off to school and then she won't get to see either of them until Christmas. But still, she hasn't said anything about it or expressed her unhappiness in typical Hermione fashion, but when Ron comes home this evening I'm sure she'll barely let go of him or let him out of her sight. As much as it will pain me to see it, I get it - he's her boyfriend and she needs him.

After the funerals and the ceremonies Bill and Fleur returned to Shell Cottage, Charlie went back to Romania claiming the dragons upkeep would be falling behind without him, Percy went back to the Percy that we love except he was living in London and a lot less uptight and stuffy than before, and George...well, George moved back into his and Fred's flat alone and re-opened the joke shop, but we all know he's not the same. He'll never be the same.

It's just Mum, Dad, Ron and me living at The Burrow now, but with Ron and Dad always at work and Ron staying at Harry's half the time it feels like it's just me and Mum.

That's another reason we're all happy Hermione came back before school, because it makes the house feel just a bit less empty, even if it is just for a few days.

Mum refuses to admit we have more rooms and space than we actually need in the house now, so much so she's still making Hermione share a room with me – not that I'm complaining mind.

Currently, Mum is out getting some 'bits and bobs, this and that' as she puts it, but we know that's her way of saying she needs some time to herself and will probably end up going to Fred's grave for a while, which she tries to do at least once a week.

Ron and Dad were just leaving for work when I came down for breakfast and they won't be home until at least six, probably later, which has become the norm now.

So it's just me and Hermione here for the majority of the day and right now, the lovely Hermione is sitting in the comfy chair beside the fire, knees propped up beneath her, with her head in one of her Muggle storybooks, completely absorbed (_Merlin, that girl is so predictable and yet so adorable_ I smile to myself). I'm on the floor across from her with my broomstick in my lap and the Quality Care Kit for it scattered around in front of me, polishing, trimming and clipping the broom where necessary, so I can practice flying and keep my Chaser skills up to scratch and ready for school – when we got our Hogwarts letters last week, I found I'd been made Quidditch Captain so I need to be as prepared as possible (of course Hermione was made Head Girl which we were all unsurprised about, but pleased nonetheless).

I realise too late that I've been watching her contently turn page after page, while still smiling from my last thought about her, for just a little too long when she looks up and catches my eye.

I hear her speak as I quickly look back to my broom pretending to be as busy as possible.

'Everything ok, Gin?' She asks curiously.

'Course, why wouldn't it be?' I answer a little too quickly.

I chance a look while continuing to wipe the broom down. The look on her face says she clearly didn't believe a word I said.

'Is it Harry?' She inquires tentatively.

'Harry?' I reply confused by the question.

'Is that what you're thinking about? How you ended things with him I mean?'

'No, it's not that. There's nothing to think about with that.'

'You sound so sure...' Hermione says confused.

'Of course I am. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't.' I respond, trying to avoid her face.

Hermione places her book to the side and sits up straight.

'If you don't mind me asking, Gin...' She starts carefully, 'Why did you end things? For good I mean.'

I look at the floor as I answer.

'I already told you why, Hermione.'

'Yes, but, it just doesn't make sense. I mean, I thought, along with everyone else that you were crazy about him...that you loved him, like he still loves you. I'm just a little confused by it all.'

I decide to go with a half-truth rather than lie to her, hoping she doesn't question it.

'That's just it. I don't love him. I don't think I ever did – at least not like that anyway.'

She looks shocked by this revelation.

'Really? It didn't seem that way to me, I mean you were mad about him for years, whether it being a very obvious schoolgirl crush, or real feelings hidden away so no one could tell anymore.'

'Well then, I guess I'm a good actress, because they weren't hidden. They just weren't there anymore.' I tell her truthfully.

'But then, why didn't you ever tell me that? All the talks we had about it and when I gave you advice? Why didn't you say something?'

I finally look at her and see a mixed expression of confusion and hurt for not saying something to my best friend.

'Please don't take it personally, Hermione. I didn't tell you for the same reason I didn't tell anyone else. Because even if I didn't love him or even care for him that way, it was what everyone expected, my Mum, Neville...even you. Yes, I did have had a schoolgirl crush on him a one point, but only for a little while. And yes, I care for him, but I love him as a brother. But when he kissed me that day in the common room, I just...I don't know, I didn't want to hurt him by rejecting him because, forgetting the fact that he's Harry Potter, he is a kind, loyal and decent person, not to mention a brilliant boyfriend, which is pretty hard to come by in guys if you think back to my previous relationships.'

'I get it Gin, I do, but it's just not like you. You don't do or say anything just because other people expect it or want it. You stand your ground and say things as they are, always. You don't beat around the bush. Again, it just doesn't make sense.'

'I know it doesn't and normally you're right, I do stand my ground. But I knew it would make you and Mum happy to see me happy, and even if I didn't love him, he still made me happy.'

_How I wish you could know I only did because I couldn't have you, the only one that I've ever wanted._

You shake your head slowly, as if you don't know what to think.

'I just don't get it Ginny; it's just not like you.'

'I know you don't, but that's why I did it and I feel terrible for letting Harry think I felt the same way. I should have said something before and it's why I can't do it to him again now. Not after everything that's happened. Everything has changed; I've changed too much since then to keep up the lie to him or anyone else anymore. I won't do that.'

I watch as Hermione crosses the room and lowers herself to the group before hugging me gently.

_Oh, Merlin she smells amazing. Please don't let go._

A few moments later she releases me and places one hand on top of mine.

'It's not just that. No, you shouldn't lie to him but you also need to be more honest about your feelings. You're one of my best friends and I want you to tell me next time you lose or gain feelings for someone. Okay? You know I'm here for you always, even if just for a chat.'

'I know you are and I promise I'll say something if it happens again.'

'Good. So if what you said before about the whole Harry thing _not being _what's bothering you is true, is there anything you want to tell me or talk about right now?' Hermione inquires hopefully

'Nope,' I reply far too quickly and curse myself inwardly.

'Really?' She replies disbelievingly.

'No, course not, why would there be?' I say as I look back to by broom starting to clip a few wayward pieces off.

Hermione sighs.

'Fine. If you not going to tell me then so be it, but I know that look.'

I attempt to calm my nerves and answer as innocently as possible, 'What look?'

She smiles at me knowingly.

'The look that means you've either got something or _someone _on your mind, or there's something or _someone_ bothering you – so which is it? What's going on?'

My mind wanders to the self-letter hidden in my diary and all the things that I would love nothing more than to say to her. But I know I can't even if my mouth would let me. This girl really is too inquisitive for her own good sometimes – but that's just one of the things I love about her.

'Honestly, Hermione. Everything's fine. I guess I'm just having one of those moments.' I try to play it off but I can tell she's still not convinced.

Hermione gets up and returns to her seat before reaching for her book while she continues.

'You've been acting weird since I got here and you know me well enough to know that it's only a matter of time before I get it out of you.' She says nonchalantly.

I return my gaze to my now perfectly polished, trimmed and clipped broom, trying to hold back a response and not rise to the bait, as I always do with her (unwillingly, I might add), but I know it's useless and end up muttering, 'Not, this time...'

Hermione looks up again and scoffs, 'Ginny, come on. Don't lie to yourself or me; you know you're going to end up telling me anyway, you always do.'

She's right, I do. I _always_ do.

_Great. She's never gonna let this go until I tell her something. _

'Honestly, Hermione. It's nothing you need to worry about. Really. I just need to get my head around a few things and I really don't think I'll be talking with anyone about it. At least not anytime soon.' I state as calmly as I can.

I see her raise her eyebrow questioningly, but I choose to ignore it. She carries on anyway.

'Okay...but just remember that keeping things bottled up doesn't help anyone. Especially you, we all know what your temper is like even when you _don't_ have something on your mind.'

'Trust me when I say that this isn't hurting anyone and also trust me when I say that _if _I decide to bring this up with anyone – as highly doubtful as that is – I can promise you now, that you're gonna be the first to know about it. Okay?'

'I think I can live with that.' She says before going back to her reading.

This time it's me who doesn't believe that – she may think she knows the look I had on my face before, but I definitely know the look Hermione has on her face now – the look saying she's giving in for now but she'll try again later.

I guess I'm going to have to start lying better if I'm going to get her off my back. Mind you it's my own fault for letting her catch me staring in the first place.

I decide I need to get some fresh air, and I need to practice my flying skills anyway so I pack the Quality Care Kit back in its box before picking up my broom and turning back to Hermione to find her watching me curiously.

'I'm going to get some air, maybe do a bit of flying – you coming?'

She smiles and shakes her head slightly.

'You know I don't like flying. Or rather _it_ doesn't like _me_.'

I smile at that comment.

'Really? You know, I never would have guessed that.' I reply sarcastically with a small chuckle. 'But honestly, I'll never understand how some people don't like it, what with it being nothing short of exhilarating and amazing.'

Hermione smiles and looks back at her book.

'So _you _say. I, however, do _not_ say.' She says without looking up, still smiling.

Just seeing that smile is enough to make me smile.

'Whatever. Being serious though, I just wondered if you wanted to come keep me company while getting outside for a bit yourself. Without flying – unless you wanted to give it a go of course?' I add with a smirk while offering my broom in her direction.

She ignores the broom but smirks at me.

'As long as you don't expect me to climb on the back of _that_ or any _other _broom then I'll happily come out with you,' She responds cheerily, getting up from her seat.

'Great. I just need to run this back up to my room first,' I tell her, indicating the Care Kit box in my hand while heading towards the stairs.

As soon as I reach the first floor, I enter my room and put the Care Kit in my trunk so I don't forget it. Before heading back down I place my broom on the bed and pull out my diary from its hiding spot before sitting and pulling out the self-letter hidden at the back. I open it and run my fingers over the words thinking about the predicament I imagine I'll always be in. A few minutes later I hear Hermione coming up the stairs so I quickly refold the self-letter and push it back in its slot, returning the diary under the mattress as fast as I can. I stand up and as I open the door Hermione enters the room

'Alright there, Hermione?'

'Yes, I just want to get some of my school books so I can study while you practice,' She replies while she crosses the room to her trunk.

'Okay, well, I'll see you out there in a minute.'

I exit the room and head down the stairs but just as I'm about to head out the back door, I realise I left my broom upstairs. I turn back and run up the stairs taking two at a time, desperate to get back in the air as soon as I can.

As I re-enter the room I feel my face drain of colour and my heart seems to stop at the same time, as I look at the sight before me. Hermione is leaning over, picking up a piece of what to anyone else looks like a scrap piece of parchment, but I know better.

_Shit! Why didn't I put it away properly? Shit! Shit!_

I quickly cross the room and snatch it out of her hands just after she opens it.

'What the-? Ginny!' She sounds scandalised.

I quickly stuff the self-letter in my pocket hoping she didn't see anything and back away from her so I'm not so close.

'I-I'm sorry, Hermione, but th-that's private. I know tell you everything, b-but not this. I'm sorry.' I stutter out nervously.

Without looking at her I pick up my broom and just as I reach the door she speaks suddenly.

'Ginny, why did that have my name on it?' Hermione voice demands from behind me and I freeze on the spot.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

'Ginny, _why_ has that got my name on it?' Hermione repeats herself.

I stand rooted to the spot, halfway between the door and the hallway, trying desperately to think of an answer to give her that isn't the truth, and yet, that answer is so conveniently eluding me right now.

Slowly, I turn around while to avoid looking at her face, which of course turns out to be completely impossible.

She is standing with her books held loosely at her side and is looking at me expectantly as she takes a few steps closer. My face loses all its colour, something she has clearly noticed but before she can ask me anything else I gather what courage I can and tell her the first thing that comes to mind.

'It's nothing. I couldn't find my diary the other day and wanted to get a few thoughts down so I just wrote on a spare piece of parchment. When I did find my diary I couldn't be bothered to write it all out again so I just put the parchment securely inside the diary – well, it was secure but I obviously didn't put it away properly,' I explain to her whilst trying to look as honest as I can, however I can tell she's not sure whether to believe me or not.

'Then why did you say it was private and you couldn't tell me?' Hermione asks quizzically.

'Because it's _my_ diary.' I reply as calmly as I can. 'Of course it's private.'

_I love this girl, but she just does not know when to leave things alone..._

She looks a little confused.

'But as you just said, you tell me everything. You've told me things you've put in your diary before and this time it clearly has something to do with me, so why can't you tell me now?' Hermione pushes me for an answer.

I look down, rub my temples and let out a groan determined to keep my temper under control this time.

_Merlin, why is it the moment I decide to write it all down _she's_ the one who just _happens_ to find it? Typical._

I decide to go with a half-truth again, hoping she will let it go.

'Look Hermione, it's all to do with what's been plaguing my mind lately.' She raises her eyebrows in slight realisation before I carry on trying to keep my cool. 'And like I said to you downstairs, I really don't want to talk about it yet, however, if I do, you'll be the one I come to. _That's_ why you saw your name on it. I wrote all the things I might try to say to you if I were ready or able to talk about it because even if I wanted to, I find the words to say it out loud right now. I thought it might help to clear my head out some.'

Hermione looks at me and nods her head a little, as if understanding what I mean.

'It's obviously something that getting to you Gin, a lot I might add, and I really want to understand and help you with it if I can. So if you want, why don't you show me the parchment to save you trying to find these words you can't find and then we'll take it from there? It might help.' She suggests timidly, as if she knows I won't like the idea.

She's right, I don't like it and I can already feel my temper rising even more because she won't let it go. I _really_ don't want to snap at her and if it were anyone else I would have already let rip as soon as I took the self-letter back

Hermione looks like she knows I could lose it soon and has an uncertain expression upon her face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to control myself, determined not to bite her head off.

'Please just let it go, Hermione. I'm really trying to keep it together right now because I don't want to say something that will upset you and I'll regret later. Can we please just forget about it and move on 'cause I'm really not comfortable with this. I _promise_ I'll tell you the moment I fell ready. Okay?' I practically beg her with the most pleading look I can muster.

Immediately, Hermione rushes over and hugs me and says into my ear, 'Of course it's okay, Gin. I'm sorry. It's just,' she pulls away from me but keeps me at arm's length, 'I saw my name and it piqued my curiosity is all. I won't push it. Promise.' She smiles tenderly at me.

I smile back and return the hug briefly, afraid I won't be able to let go if I hold on to her for too long, before pulling away again and stepping back.

'Thanks Hermione. I'm sorry too; I'm just not ready though.' I tell her as I grasp my broom tightly to me.

'It's fine, honestly.' She responds kindly.

I turn slightly and gesture to the door.

'Well, are we gonna head out or what?'

'Sounds good,' Hermione replies and starts to step around me slowly as I follow her out of the room.

As we get to the top of the stairs Hermione stops me from descending them and looks gingerly at me.

'I should be honest, Gin...Even if you don't want to talk about it, I should tell you that I saw something else on the parchment.'

My heart drops instantly and I stare at her wide-eyed, my throat constricting tightly.

_Oh, please Merlin, no..._

Hermione sees my terrified face and quickly tries to reassure me.

'Oh, don't worry! Really. It wasn't anything bad – I don't think it was anyway...It's just...I happened to notice that Harry's name was mentioned a lot.' She finishes softly.

_Oh, thank Merlin that was all she saw._

I visibly relax and release a breath that I didn't realise I was holding. I look away and start to head down the stairs as she continues.

'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but, is that was this is about? Is it about Harry?' Hermione questions carefully as she follows me.

At first I don't answer, I just continue down the stairs and across the kitchen, but as I get to the back door I decide to give her another half-truth as these seem to work well. I stop and face her with my hand on the door, cocking my head to the side.

'It is...,' I start slowly, 'but then at the same time it isn't about him at all.'

She stares at me, obviously confused by my cryptic reply.

'Huh?' Is all she has to say.

I laugh at her baffled response.

'I said it is about Harry, but it isn't.' I continue smirking as I open the back door and begin making my way across the garden. 'And that's all you're getting out of me on the subject.'

Hermione huffs a little as she follows me out, 'Well, that was absolutely no help at all...'

'Well, that was kind of the point!' I laugh at her as I make my way to the Broom Shed.

I spent a productive afternoon flying around the orchard passing the Quaffle back and forth between myself to test my reflexes and speed skills, and Hermione had spent the time researching and studying more Arithmancy, Transfiguration and Potions than could ever be needed.

After that we joined Mum, who had returned a short while before, in the house to start getting ready for dinner as Dad would be home soon and most likely Ron as well just so he could see Hermione.

The veg and potatoes cut themselves, wash themselves and dump themselves unceremoniously into bowls or pots and then with a wave of Mum's wand, start to cook and boil themselves.

Mum is standing at the stove stirring pots of her homemade gravy and sauce, occasionally checking the homemade chicken pies and steak pies in the oven every now and again.

Hermione is taking her time setting the crockery out while I take my time put the cutlery out.

Thankfully, Hermione hasn't asked anymore about the self-letter and I'm extremely grateful because I honestly don't have anything else besides the truth to tell her and that was definitely something I'd make sure she wouldn't get. I'm sure she'll ask again at some point, but I just need to keep my wits about me because Merlin knows she's clever enough to trick it out of me if she wanted to and even if she wasn't, I'm sure with the right look or smile at me I'd tell her anything she wanted to know.

I finish laying the knives and forks and chance a glance at the beautiful brunette.

She seems quite content humming to herself (a tune I don't recognise, probably some Muggle song), as she places the last of the plates down and collects some glasses from the cupboard.

Looking away from her before she catches me staring again, I smile to myself at how incredible she is as I get a jug of pumpkin juice and a jug of water before setting them on the table.

Shortly after this Dad comes in followed by Ron, who of course immediately seeks out Hermione and embraces her as if he's not seen her in a million years (even though it's only been a month), with a mumbled 'I missed you', that although quietly spoken we all hear anyway. I force myself to look away when Hermione returns the embrace and places a gentle kiss on his cheek. I'm sure she would love nothing more than to kiss him as passionately as possible, but knowing Hermione, she wouldn't dare do anything more than she already has with me and my parents here (and to be honest, I'm grateful for her shyness).

'Evening all!' Dad enthusiastically announces as he first greets Mum, then myself and finally Hermione who briefly lets go of Ron to return the greeting.

'Alright, Dad?' I ask trying to distract my thoughts from the brunette and my brother.

'Tiring day, as always, but I'm just thankful we're getting all the Snatcher and Death Eater trials out the way as quickly as possible. Now there's just the Carrows, Nott, Dolohov, McNair and Malfoy left to take care of. Hopefully, after that everything should get back to normal and we'll only have our own work to be getting on with.' He replies smiling to himself as he sits down at the table.

Ron moves around the table pulling Hermione along with him.

_She's not your plaything or one of your toys, let her walk on her own!_

'Yeah, well, it can't come soon enough. It'll be a weight off mine and Harry's shoulders when we can just concentrate on our Auror training rather than all this other bloody malarkey – it's not even part of the official training!' Ron complains as he sits down next to Dad, tugging Hermione down into the next chair, so close to him she's practically in his lap, and puts his arm around her shoulders.

_Merlin, give her some breathing room!_

Although, clearly pleased to see her him, Hermione looks a little uncomfortable being so close to Ron with us watching and tries to put a little space between them by scooting her chair to the side a little.

'Ron, you know why we have to do it though. All the departments are short staffed due to everything that happened during the War and that's why we're all stretched so thin. We have to help each other out until we're back on our feet.' Dad told my brother with a sombre tone, catching Mum's eye as she turned from the stove to look at him with an understanding face.

'Yeah, I know, it's just a bloody pain in the arse –'

'Mind your language!' Molly interrupted, though Ron ignored her as always.

'– when it's not even our job.' Ron stopped Dad from interrupting and continued, a more serious spread across his features. 'But I know we all need to be there for each other, which is why I've been doing it without making a fuss and I'll carry on doing it without making a fuss, no matter how much of a pain in the arse it is, until everyone gets where we need to be.'

Hermione gives her boyfriend a surprised smile.

'That's really mature of you Ron, when did decide to grow up?'

Ron looked all gooey-eyed at her and his ears turned red as he replied with confidence, 'When I fell in love with you.'

_I think I'm gonna throw up..._

A bright red tinge crept up on Hermione's cheeks and she gave him a small smile before turning away. It was at this point I decided to interrupt and share my last thought, by pretending to be sick before turning back to the happy couple.

'Please Ron, spare us the dramatics...' I request before smirking at my brother and the girl of my dreams.

Hermione has an amused smile on her face while Ron is glares at me.

'Ginny, leave your brother alone. He's in love and he's missed his girlfriend.' Mum chides me.

'Yeah, which means he's fair game now and any one of your sons would agree with me.'

Hermione chuckles at my statement as she gets up offering to help Mum who has started to dish dinner up, but Mum instantly denies the help and makes her sit back down.

Ron fumes at me and jumps up from his seat suddenly.

'Oh, sod off, Ginny! Just 'cause you don't have anyone anymore, don't take it out on me! It's your own bloody fault you don't have someone special anyway, so maybe it's time you do what I did - grow up, grow a pair and then _maybe,_ if you're lucky, Harry _might_ take you back!' He shouts across the table amongst the surprised gasps and shocked chorus of 'Ron' from our parents.

I sit there dumbfounded for a moment but before my I can respond, or before either my parents can reprimand him, Hermione jumps up from her seat and turns on her boyfriend.

'I don't know where that came from, Ron, but you better apologise to Ginny, now!' She demands of him. 'That was completely uncalled for, she was only having fun with you!'

Ron looks at her stunned.

'I have to apologise? She was having a joke at my expense because of her own failed relationship, so if anything, she should be apologising to me!'

I feel my anger beginning to grow and try to slow the build-up.

'It _was_ a joke_,_ Ron! Why can't you get your thick head around that?' I shout back at him. 'It has nothing to do with any of my relationships, failed or not! In fact, _none_ of my relationships have _anything_ to do with you!'

Ron and I have both ignoring our parent's attempts to stop the argument and continue to do so as he walks around to my side of the table as calmly as he can.

'When I have to see my best friend _every day,_ and see his heart continue to break _every day..._ then, yeah...it does have something to do with me...' He responds half in anger, half in sadness for his friend, his brother.

All attempts to stop the argument end and Hermione moves between me and Ron as if to stop a physical fight, the one we all know I would normally both start and finish if given the chance, and is something I'm sorely tempted to do right now.

'Ron. I know you mean well in trying to defend Harry, but you need to back down. This between Ginny and Harry.' Dad tries to be the voice of reason.

Ron doesn't move and I stare at him wordlessly as I slowly rise from my seat, but I feel my rage start to dissipate as Hermione comes up beside me and puts an arm around my shoulder to calm me. Normally, having Hermione's arm around me would have me swooning, but right now my brother is distracting me from that.

Immediately, I feel the need to be in the air again, to get away from all this.

I walk away from the table and Hermione's comforting arm, moving to the back door. With one hand on the open door I turn back to Ron feeling rare tears sparkling in my eyes, my anger all but gone.

'You always think you know what's going on, Ron...you always think you know everything,' each of my eyes lets an unwilling tear slip past my defences as I square up to my brother, 'but trust me when I say you know _nothing_ about my love life.'

'Gin-'

I hear Hermione's attempt to gain my attention but I'm already out the door.

As soon as I close the door behind me I wipe away the tears that managed to escape. I can feel more tears trying to break free, but I refuse to let them break my defences – I hate crying.

I hear Mum attempting to tell Ron off, but Hermione's voice overshadows hers as she admonishes him for his attitude.

While crossing the garden towards the Broom Shed I hear the back door re-open and close. I already know who it is before I've pulled out my broom and as I turn around, she's there waiting with the smile I love most.

_How could anyone not love this girl..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After a quick embrace, I left Hermione and ran to the orchard, afraid if I stayed I would break down and say too much. I had my broom between my legs and shot up into the air straight away which is where I stayed for the next hour calming myself down. During this time, Hermione followed me and waited patiently below for me to descend – she thought if she waited long enough I'd break down and tell her everything, but I refused to come down until she left. Which, of course, she didn't.

Throughout the time that I was in the air I saw Ron come out and attempt to coax Hermione back inside a few times, but she rebuffed him every time. After failing for the fourth and final time, Ron went back inside and Hermione returned to her position sitting on the ground leaning back on one of the trees, her eyes firmly fixed on me.

I made my way back down slowly and I hovered just above the ground, watching her as she continued to observe me. As I sat there, she got up and made her way over to me, pausing beside the floating broom. After that I climbed off and walked away from her to put my broom back, her following behind me before we returned to the house.

This all happened yesterday and we haven't talked about it since. It means a lot that she cared enough to wait for me like that even though I didn't say a word, however, I'm grateful Hermione's leaving it alone for once because this time I know I'd break down and tell her everything.

_Damn your smile, Hermione. You could break the hardest criminal with just one flash of that thing._

With her being here all the time, it's just too much for me and I have to be watchful of every word that leaves my mouth. I know it's going to happen sooner or later, but I intend to make it as late as possible. I also haven't put the self-letter back in my diary. I decided to keep it on my person at all times so I know Hermione won't find lying around anywhere. This time I'll make sure it stays put.

Ron apologised to me this morning for his outburst and explained to us all how hard he's finding it being stuck in the middle of Harry and I, his best friend and his sister, trying not to pick a side but feeling Harry's pain at the same time. I get it, I do, and seeing my brother trying to look out for me and his best friend makes me love him even more.

He's taken the day today off seeing as things are quieting down at the Ministry, just to spend more time with Hermione of course. The girl of both our dreams is presently lying on the grass in the garden, with her arm thrown over her face, protecting her eyes from the sun. She looks like she's dead to the world even though she's wide awake and could easily draw anyone's attention with her beauty. Ron is sitting next to her, legs spread out and arms behind him holding his weight, talking with her as a huge grin covers his face.

I'm sitting up in one of the trees, on a high up branch that curves upwards in just the right way for me to lean back against it while sitting upright. One of my legs is bent at the knee with my foot resting on the branch and I've got my Charms book resting against that thigh while my other leg swings back and forth below the branch. I had been doing some last minute studying until they came out and, surprise surprise, Hermione caught my attention, so now I've haven't been able to do anything but look at her for the last ten minutes.

'You know if you stare at one thing long enough, your eyes will get stuck like that,' a soft voice breathes in my ear.

His voice shocks me that much I nearly fall out of the tree. Thankfully I manage to grip it enough to stay put before looking around to see the owner of the voice.

'Harry! Don't sneak up on me like that!' I glare at him taking in his sudden appearance. He is hovering next to the branch on his broom.

_No wonder I didn't hear him approach me._

Harry chuckles at me and moves from his broom onto the branch beside me, hanging both legs over one side and tucks the broom securely onto a smaller branch jutting out from the one we're seated on. I change my position so I'm straddling the branch, one leg either side facing him.

'Sorry, Ginny.' He says grinning. 'Your mum said you were out here and when I saw you up this tree as focused as you were, I couldn't resist.'

'Yeah, yeah, whatever, just leave it out...' I can't help but smirk a little at my extended brother/ex-boyfriend. 'What are you doing here anyway, Harry? Aren't you meant to be at work?' I ask him curiously.

'Yeah, but I needed a bit of a breather – training's getting a bit much and as much as I love it I do need a break, so with it being quiet right now they gave me the afternoon off.' He explained.

'Fair enough. So what brings you down our way? Any reason or you just missed your favourite redheads?'

'Bit of both actually.' Harry replied a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. 'I never can stay away from my favourite family for too long...or my favourite girl...' He mumbled the last part quietly, I'm sure he was hoping I wouldn't hear him, but I did anyway.

'Harry...' I start but he cuts me off.

'Don't worry about it, Gin. I know.' He says calmly but sadly, not looking me. 'I can't help how I feel, but I'll get there eventually.'

I smile weakly at him. 'I am sorry, Harry. I really didn't mean to hurt you.'

'I know you didn't. But I'm glad you told me the truth anyway. At least you were honest. A lot of others wouldn't have been and that's something I admire about you.' He declares confidently.

I sigh deeply before replying. 'I still messed you about though and I shouldn't have done that.'

'You didn't mess me about, Ginny. If you'd taken me back and pretended to love me, then yeah, you would've done and I that's something I definitely wouldn't have appreciated. But you didn't do that, proving how much of a good person you are.'

I blush at his sentiment. 'I'm really not that great, Harry. I just couldn't lie to you. And it may not be in the way you or _my mother_ would like it to be, but I do love you, Harry. I'm just not _in_ love with you.'

Harry suddenly looks down at the ground, away from me.

'No...you're in love with someone else...' Harry glumly states in a voice so soft I almost don't hear him.

'Excuse me?' I'm shocked by his words, sure I must have misheard him.

He brings his head back up to me, clearly surprised that I did hear him.

'Nothing. Forget it.' He tries to brush it off but I know what I heard.

_Surely, he doesn't know. He _can't _know._

I take a quick look to my dream girl and notice Ron has disappeared, probably inside, and Hermione looks to have fallen asleep.

If Harry does know then I want to know about it. It would actually be nice to talk to someone about it without having to actually say the words out loud. I take a deep breath and turn back to him.

'Talk to me, Harry. You can't say something like that and not expect me to say something back.'

Harry looks slightly uncomfortable and doesn't say anything for a few moments.

'I _know_, Gin.'

I take a deep breath before responding.

'Know what?' I ask, my voice sounding somewhat off.

Harry gives me a sympathetic smile. 'You don't have to hide it from me, Ginny. I _know_. I think deep down I've always known and that's why I just accepted it when you said you didn't want to get back together.'

He's avoiding saying it and he knows I hate it when people don't just say it as it is. As far as I'm concerned, you either say what you want to or you don't say it at all, there's no in between.

'Just spit it out, Harry, please. What is it you think you know?'

Before he answers me he takes a look at Hermione's sleeping form. My eyes follow his.

'You love her, Ginny. I know you do.'

I don't answer him, but my silence is his confirmation. He knows it's the truth and I really don't want to deny him that. He deserves that much.

_Finally, I can get it off my chest._

I realise he's watching me and I have yet to take my eyes of the sleeping beauty in front of us. I turn to look back at him.

'You're not upset with me are you?' I ask timidly.

Harry puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side, hugging me, resting his head on top of mine as we both look at Hermione. It's a brotherly hug which makes me smile.

'Of course I'm not. I could never be upset with you. You can't help who you fall in love with.'

'Thanks, Harry. You always have a way of putting me at ease. That's just one reason why you'll always be one of my favourite people and one of my best friends.'

Harry lifts his head to smile at me, keeping his arm around me. 'And you'll always be one of mine.'

I smile back at him, happy he still thinks of me as a best friend. After a few minutes of comfortable silence I turn back to him.

'Harry?'

'Hmmm?'

'How did you know?'

'Because I know you, Gin. Enough to notice the little things. Like the look you get when she smiles at you or the twinkle in your eye just from her being nearby. You've always been that little bit happier when she's around. Even when we were together in school, I could tell your heart wasn't in the relationship. I'd had my suspicions for a while but I just didn't know for sure until the Battle. When we got back...when we were in the Room of Requirement...I saw it even if no one else did. It was hard to miss to be honest. The look on your face when you saw her, it was like...no one else was there. Like no one else existed. The way you looked at her was like you were looking at the stars for the first time. I've never seen someone look so ecstatic, so in love and so close to tears all at once. Everyone else thought that look was for me because I was standing so close to her, but...I knew the truth. I could see the love you held for her behind your eyes. That was when I knew I'd lost you for sure. And I could tell just from that one look that it wasn't some silly crush or some lustful phase, so I couldn't be upset with you. I just hope I find someone that looks at me like that someday.' Harry finishes talking and a silence is left hanging between us.

His words leave me stunned and all I can do is hug him tightly as a few unwilling tears slip past my defences. After a few minutes I let go of him and wipe my eyes while he pretends to not see the tears, before I clear my throat.

'Who knew Harry Potter could be so wise, mature and grown up?' I say jokingly to clear the air.

Harry snickers quietly. 'Well, I guess I had to some time. But just don't expect me to say anything remotely mature again for a long time yet. I think I've filled my quota for the next few years.'

We laugh together for a minute, before I grow serious again.

'By the way, you will find someone, Harry. I know you will. Maybe sooner than we think. You're an amazing person and any girl would be lucky to have you.' I tell him proudly.

Harry blushes a little at this. 'Yeah, I don't know about that. We'll just see what happens.'

'It's true, Harry and don't you forget it. In fact, I'm gonna help you find someone so I know it's not some stupid bimbo looking for a bit of fame. After all, besides me your taste in women is a little patchy.'

'You really don't have to do that, Ginny.' Harry starts to look a little uneasy.

'Yeah, I do. I owe you. Besides, what are best friends for if not setting you up on horrible dates and lifelong bickers.' I say keeping as straight a face as I can.

Harry bursts out laughing and I can feel a renewed comfort settling between us.

'True,' He say between laughs. 'Very true.'

'You just let me know when you're ready, 'cause I've already got a couple people in mind that might just be suitable for you. One in particular that stands out from the crowd and I know you're gonna love her even if you do have a horrible date.' I tell him to peak his curiosity, which of course does exactly that.

Harry looks at me interestedly. 'Who's that then? Do I know her?'

'You do know her. Very well, actually and she's had a thing for you for a while, not that most other girls don't have a thing for you, but you at least know this girl and get on really well with her.' I reply cryptically.

'And I'm glad to hear it but you still didn't answer my question – who is she?' He questions me again, grinning widely.

'I'm not sure you're ready to know yet.' I continue, smirking at him as I do. 'But as soon as you tell me you're ready to be with someone else I'll tell you who it is so you can take her on a proper date. How does that sound?'

'Sounds good to me,' Harry says giving me a genuine smile. 'However,' He starts while moving a bit closer to me, 'what if I said that although I'm not ready to jump into another relationship just yet, I'm more than ready to take this girl out a few times and hope it leads somewhere – would you tell me who it is then?' He asks almost pleadingly giving his best puppy dog eye impression.

I can't resist the eyes he's giving me as much as I try and laugh at him. 'Ok, fine! I'll tell you, but you better keep to your word because this girl is a good friend of mine as well as yours and I may want to see you happy, but I don't want to see her get hurt either. You got it, mister?' I command with a huge grin that I can't contain.

'Yeah, of course! What do you take me for? I'll treat her with the utmost respect. I'll even go and ask her out myself later today, without dropping you in it I might add, if you just _please_ tell me who it is.' Harry practically begs me, while returning my grin.

I let a few moments pass while he looks at me imploringly. I can't stand his puppy dog eyes anymore and chuckle a little while answering.

'Ah! It's Luna, alright!' He gives me a slightly shocked look before I continue. 'To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't guess with the way she acts around you.'

'You know, I could say the same about you and Hermione.' He retorts with a raised eyebrow.

I try not to let the corners of my mouth pull up a smile, but I fail miserably.

'Ok, fine, fair point But now you know it's Luna, will you actually ask her out? I mean, she isn't exactly your typical, everyday girl.'

'Of course I will. I am a man of my word after all,' He replies puffing his chest out with a smirk before being serious. 'I mean, yeah, it's a bit of a shock, but she is a really nice girl. I never thought about her that way before but...I don't know. I suppose she _has _always been able to get through to me in ways no else has at times and I guess I've always had this strange sort of _connection_ with her...' He turns away from me during his speech to stare at nothing in particular and I watch him seeing the gears turn in his brain before he breaks into a serene grin, making me smile back at him.

Harry turns back to look at me. 'I think...maybe I do like her. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy in love with her, but...I don't know...I'm suddenly really looking forward to the prospect of a date with her.'

I wrap my arms around him in a hug. 'Aww, Harry...I'm glad you figured it out. You know, I kinda think you two would make a cute couple, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.'

As I let go of him I know things will be alright between us from now on. After a moment I turn to look at my beautiful brunette and see that she has woken up and is watching us with a smile on her face, clearly pleased that Harry and I are getting on. When she sees me looking she sits up slightly and gives us a small wave of her hand. I instantly light up and a broad grin crosses my face. Harry of course, notices instantly and after waving back at Hermione, pulls my attention back to him with just a few simple words.

'Now, we just have to sort out your love life.'

'What are you talking about, Harry?' I ask him confused.

'I'm talking about you telling Hermione –'

I instantly cut him off there.

'Nooope! No, no and oh, no again!' I begin to get up from my spot and try to manoeuvre around him to start climbing down.

_He can't seriously be asking me this._

Harry stops me and pushes me back down. 'Just hear me out, Ginny.'

I glare at him and cross my arms before looking away from him and back to Hermione who has settled herself onto her front with a book in front of her.

'Talk. Before I change my mind.' I tell him without looking back at him.

'I don't know what you're afraid of Gin, it's not like she's gonna hate you, run for the hills and never talk to you again. This is Hermione we're talking about. Your best friend. I think she deserves to know that you're in love with her. I'd want to know if one of my friends was in love with me, which is why I'm actually glad you told me about Luna, 'cause now I know that I like her too. I'm not saying that Hermione does like you back, but still. Wouldn't you want to know if someone liked you?'

'I'm not afraid of her hating me. I know she wouldn't do that. I'm afraid of damaging her relationship with my brother. It might not split them up but it would put a strain on their relationship and Ron would blame me for that even if he didn't hate me. I could never do that to them.'

'But you don't know that would happen. I mean, come on, what are the chances of that happening really? Slim to none, Gin. I think you're just scared of rejection.' I glare at him. 'I'm sorry, but that's what I think. You're just trying to think of any excuse you can not to say something to her.'

I sigh deeply and look down at the branch away from his prying eyes.

'I don't know what I'm scared of. I only know that I couldn't hurt Ron like that even if could get the words out.'

Harry looks puzzled. 'What do you mean? If you want to say something, you say it, bluntly and as it is. You don't mess about, so why not just say it this time?'

'That's just it. I _can't. _I've tried and I can't even say the words out loud when I'm on my own. I mean yeah, you guessed right about my feelings but I still haven't even been able to admit it to myself other than in a stupid self-letter thing.' I say exasperatedly.

'Self-letter, thing?' Harry asks both confused and interested, saying each word slowly and separately from the others.

_Great. Now he's gonna want to see it. Nice work, Gin._

'I can't say how I feel out loud or admit it to myself even though I know it's true, so just to actually get it out of my system, a few weeks ago I wrote it all down in the form of a letter that I never intended to give her.' I grow silent for a moment, before adding, 'Stupid, I know, right?'

As I look up I see Harry smiling softly at me.

'Of course it's not stupid, Gin.'

'Oh, it is. Just yesterday Hermione nearly saw it! I was looking at it in my room and when I heard her coming up the stairs I tried to put it back in my diary as quickly as I could but didn't' realise that it had fallen on the floor instead and after I left she found it! Thankfully, I'd left my broom up there so when I went back up I was able to grab it back without her seeing anything besides her own name and thank Merlin, Hermione believed me when I lied about what it was. I was so _stupid_ to write it down where someone would be able to see it if I left it in the wrong place. That's why I decided to carry it in my pocket everywhere I go so no one, especially Hermione or Ron for that matter, will be able to find it.'

Harry was looking at me with a broad grin on his face. 'Ginny, you've just given me a great idea, but before I tell you...' He suddenly loses his grin and looks a bit scared. 'Do you mind if I look at the letter?' He asks tentatively.

_I knew it._

Harry watches me as I slowly pull it out of my pocket and hold on to it for dear life.

'Ok, but just remember Harry, you're the first person to see this and...just don't hate me after you read it.'

'Hate you?' He looks confused. 'Why would I hate you?'

'Because I talk about you a lot in it. Because, well, you take up a lot of my romantic history and if I'm honest I'll probably gonna come across as a bit of a bitch when you read the parts about you. But please believe me when I say I really did never mean to hurt you and I promise you that I never used you no matter what it sounds like in the letter. Just remember that.'

I outstretch my hand as he reaches for the parchment carefully. Harry looks at me with a careful smile before opening the letter.

'I promise that I'll never hate you, Ginny no matter what.'

With that he looks down and begins to read the letter. I wait patiently for him to finish, watching as his eyes move over the page with no sign of emotion in them. Eventually, he looks back up and surprises me by pulling me in for a hug.

'I don't hate you, Gin. Trust me.'

He pulls away from me and tucks the letter into his back pocket, grinning as he does so.

'What do you think you're doing, Harry? ' I question him.

'Ok, so here's my idea. You can hate me for it or love me for it but I'm gonna make you the best deal you're gonna get in this situation.'

'Deal? What the hell are you talking about, Harry?' I ask him slowly.

I can feel my temper beginning to fuel knowing this is something I'm going to hate. Harry knows me well enough to know that I'll gradually get more irritated, but he's ignoring it by smirking at me.

'Ok, as one of your best friends, I think that your other best friend, Hermione, deserves to know the truth because she _can_ handle it and wouldn't dream of telling Ron anything, and _definitely_ would not let it interfere with their relationship or any other excuse you've come up with.'

'Get on with it, Potter.' I grit my teeth, hating the build-up to this 'deal'.

'Ok, I'm gonna go persuade Ron to go for a drink and keep him occupied for a while, during which time I shall also go and see Luna,' Harry stops for a moment to wink at me. 'But we'll be back in time for dinner, meaning you have Hermione to yourself until then. Here's the deal – you gather the courage to tell Hermione the truth before we get back or...I give her the letter.' He finishes with a huge grin covering his entire face.

_Seriously?!_

My jaw drops as he grabs his broom and gets it hovering next to the branch.

'You can't be serious?! H-how the hell am I supposed to do that? I c-can't!'

Harry is, of course, ignoring me completely, his grin never leaving his face while he swings both legs over the side of the branch preparing to get on his broom again. I refuse to let him get away with this and, thanking Merlin I just turned seventeen, I pull my wand from up my sleeve.

'Accio letter!'

Harry is far too quick for me though, almost as if he knew I would do something and as the letter starts to leave his pocket he's already grabbing it and pushing it back into the pocket, buttoning it up as he does. I push my wand back up my sleeve quickly and lunge for the letter but, once again, his reflexes and defensive skills are much better than mine after years of training, and pulls out his own wand before I have a chance to do anything.

'Petrificus Totalus!'

I suddenly find that I can't move, legs still straddling the branch while I'm bent forward with my arm outstretched.

'Ah, ah, ah, Gin...' Harry continues smirking as he tuts at me.

He then quickly mumbles a counter-spell to unfreeze my head only (_where did in Merlin's name did he learn to do that?) _and chuckles again before jumping onto his broom.

'Harry, please, you _can't_ do this to me, I'm _begging_ you.' I plead with him while trying to move but having no luck what-so-ever.

'Sorry, Ginny, but I'm doing this for your own good. It's time for you to start being honest about things.'

Harry starts to fly down to the house.

'Harry!' I shout knowing it's useless.

At this point I see Hermione has sat up to look at us after hearing me shout. Suddenly, Harry then turns around to face me, slowing down slightly but still making sure to fly towards the ground.

'I'll see you at dinner! Oh, and don't worry, I'll make sure to send Hermione up to unfreeze you – will make for an interesting conversation, don't you think?' Harry laughs loudly as he flies down to Hermione who has already gotten up and started heading this way after hearing her name.

_Great. What the hell am I supposed to do now?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I stay there frozen in place, watching Harry return to the ground where he talks to Hermione briefly, before entering the house to no doubt say more goodbyes and use the fireplace to Floo to his place.

Before Harry has even climbed off his broom Hermione has already started making her way over to me with a confused and concerned look on her features. Upon reaching the base of the tree, my best friend pulls out her wand and silently casts the counter spell, unfreezing me instantly. The abruptness of being able to move again throws me for just a moment but it's enough for me to lose my balance and fall from my perch in the tall tree.

Unsurprisingly, it seems Hermione had already anticipated this as she is already casting a spell to slow my movements to the ground so when I land, it's with a soft thud at her feet.

My friend helps me to my feet as she asks worriedly, 'Are you okay, Ginny? You not hurt are you?'

'No, I'm fine,' I grumble as I dust myself off. 'Just tell me where Harry is so I can go kill him.'

'I think you missed your chance 'cause I'm sure he already left.' She answers with a small chuckle. 'What's going on with you two anyway? I asked Harry but all he did was give me this weird smile and said he'd let you tell me.'

I'm already making my way back to the house as I answer her.

'Ask me again in a bit, Hermione. I'm too wound up to think right now. I swear, when I get hold of him I'm gonna...' I trail off whilst demonstrating a strangling motion with my hands.

Hermione keeps pace with me and chuckles at my display, as we enter the house.

'Well, I suppose he would deserve it, just don't hurt him too much because I don't think your Mum wants to be cleaning blood out of the carpet – magic or not.' We both snigger at this before she continues. 'And don't worry, Gin. I'll be waiting to listen when you're ready to talk.' She states with one of my favourite smiles.

_She has the most amazing smile..._

After giving me a quick hug my favourite girl goes back outside leaving me to my thoughts.

It's been two hours since Hermione left me alone in the house. I've been lying on the sofa staring at the ceiling for most of that time trying to figure out what I'm going to do. Harry could be back anytime in the next hour. I groan when the realisation hits me, hoping against hope that he comes back later rather than sooner, if only to give me more time to prepare for the potential nightmare I'm facing.

_How do I get myself into these situations? Oh, right, by being me. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

I know he's only trying to help but it's times like these that I both love and hate Harry, because we both know it's the right thing to do but as usual I'd prefer to be a stubborn arse.

_What am I going to tell Hermione?_

I honestly don't know what to do, let alone if I'll even be able to speak when I see her. Perhaps it might be easier if I just let Harry show her the letter when he's back…

_Grow some balls! What happened to the girl that wasn't afraid of anything?_

What happened is I found the one girl that could break me. I love her but I'm terrified of her at the same time. But I suppose despite my fear, it's because I love her I know I can't lie to her. It's not right.

Resigning myself to the inevitable, I slowly sit up and rise to my feet before heading towards to back door. Hermione has yet to come in so I now she's still out there. The thought gives me some hope in that I can easily run or possibly even fly away if she rejects me completely.

_No! I'm finally growing a pair and I'm not gonna cut them loose now._

I reach the door and without stopping I push it open and step outside to face my fear.

And there she is. I see her across the garden. The most beautiful, amazing person I'll ever have in my life. Unfortunately, she's also the only one who'll ever be able to completely crush me.

_I can't think like that. Keep positive._

Even though she won't love me back, what I do know is there isn't going to be any secrets between us from now on which I think I feel happy about. No, I know I feel happy about it.

_Maybe she will love me? Maybe she just doesn't know it yet?_

I scoff the thought away knowing I'm grasping at straws, wishing for a scenario that could only happen in my wildest dreams.

With the internal battle I'm heading on both sides I don't even realise that I've come to a stop in front of her until I hear a heavenly voice calling my name. I look down and see Hermione smiling that smile again.

'You okay there, Gin? You seem kind of out of it.'

I nod slightly in response and gently lower myself to the ground beside her.

'Are you sure? You look absolutely terrified. I don't think I've ever seen you scared of anything before.' She says anxiously.

_That's because I'm terrified I'll lose you forever…_

Before answering I take a deep breath and look at the ground so I don't have to face her. 'I-I'm fine. I just…I need to tell you something and I'm not sure how to do it. I'm not sure I can.' I tell her timidly.

I feel her carefully place her hand on top of mine where it's resting between us, causing me to take the chance and look at her. That smile still hasn't left her face.

'Is it what's been bothering you these last few weeks?'

I nod my head, not sure I can speak again just yet.

'So you feel ready to tell me now?'

I decide that as I'm being honest about things I may as well be completely truthful with her. Once again though, my eyes find the ground before I answer.

'Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready but I've got to tell you sometime. Also, Harry's wants me to tell you today.' I know what she's going to say so I interrupt her before she can ask. 'I didn't tell him before you, I swear. I'm sticking to what I said; you're the first person I'm telling. Harry already knew so I didn't have to say anything him. And if I don't tell you before he gets back then he's going to tell you himself, but if you're gonna find out then it should be from me. The reason I'm telling you all this is because I don't like keeping things from you and if I'm gonna tell you the truth then I should be completely honest about everything. Sorry, I'm rambling aren't I?' I chuckle slightly breathlessly when I look back up at her, as I've said all this in one long breath.

'Yes, you are but it's fine. Just slow down when you're talking though okay? I _just about_ caught all that.' Hermione replies with a small laugh of her own. 'Take your time. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.'

_You make it really hard not to love you, you know that?_

'That's the thing, it might take a while. What I want to say, I've never said before. It's always only ever been in my head. And my heart. So I don't know how long it will take me, but I know I need to let you know somehow. I have to.' I reply whilst trying my hardest to keep it together.

Scooting over so she's right next to me, Hermione lifts her arm and places it round my shoulders.

'It doesn't matter, Gin. I'm not going anywhere. Just tell me what you can when you feel ready and I'll be right here listening.'

'Uh…well….I just…the thing is…' I sigh exasperatedly, cursing myself for not being able to say those three little words. Or five if I'm able to express it properly. I guess it really is true – it's easy to say when it's not true and impossible to say it when it is true. I spend the next few minutes umming and ahhing, taking a breather each time I attempt and fail to express myself.

_Why does it have to be so hard?! Uh, I hate this!_

'I should've let you read it…' is the only thing I manage to get out and even that is practically whispered. Thankfully Hermione seems to have heard me though.

The girl of my dreams looks at me confusedly. 'Read what?'

'My so called 'diary extract' you found yesterday. It's not really part of my diary. It's a letter I wrote that explains everything and if I just let you read it then I wouldn't be stuck like I am now.' I told her unhappily with a slight pout.

'Well, if it makes it easier for you why don't we just go inside and then I can read that instead if you like?' The brunette offered.

'If only.' I said with a small smile. 'Harry has it and to be honest even if it would be easier let you read it I'm kind of glad he has it, because having you find out by reading the letter is almost taking the cowards way out. And I don't want to be a coward. I just don't understand why I can't say it. I know what I want to say, I can hear the thoughts in my head and feel them inside my heart but…I just can't seem say them. GRRR!

At this point I stand up and start pacing back in forth in front of my friend waving my hands erratically throughout my speech.

'What the hell is wrong with me, dammit?! Just say it! Hermione, I l-'

Once again I choke on the words before they leave my body and jump up stomping the ground dramatically in frustration with myself as I feel unwilling tears start to fall. 'FUCK SAKE!'

Hermione is quick to rise up and put her arms around me, holding me as tightly as possible as I sob uncontrollably into her shoulder. All she does is hold me, not saying a word but it's all it takes for me to calm down after a few minutes. I pull away from her completely as I compose myself before looking back at my lovable friend, forcing myself to say what needs to be said.

'Hermione, I'm really sorry about all this. It's just that it's so infuriating that I'm struggling like I am and can't say the one thing that should be so easy for me to say! You're my best friend! My favourite person who has always been there for me! I don't want you to hate me...' I could see she was going to try and interrupt, so again I stopped her before she could. 'I know you wouldn't hate me intentionally, and I know you wouldn't hate me for telling you this. But you might hate me for the stress and burden it will have on you for knowing. You also might hate me because of other people's reactions if they found out. One person in particular actually. So please, Hermione, I know you won't say back what I'm about to tell you but please try not to let it affect our friendship because I don't know what I do if you walked out of my life.' I stop for a moment to gather my bearings as the genius woman standing before me watches apprehensively waiting for what is to come.

_Okay, here goes nothing…_

'I-I love you, Hermione…' I say so quietly I wonder if she heard me.

_I said it…I really said it…Oh, Merlin..._

By the confused look the girl is giving me, I guess she did hear me.

'Of course you do, Gin. I love you too; we're best friends after all. Unless...' The older girl looks at me as though she's finally beginning to put the pieces together.

'Yeah, unless…' I repeat.

Hermione seems to be lost for words as she looks at me almost dazedly.

_At least she isn't screaming that she hates me whilst running from me forever._

I have no idea what to do, say or how to even try to deal with this situation and I'm pretty sure Hermione feels the same way right now. With that knowledge I know I should at least do…_something._

Before I speak I take a step back and look at anything besides her face and those mesmerising (yet currently out of focus) eyes, creating more space between us in case that's what she needs right now.

'Maybe I shouldn't of said anything. To be honest I'm not sure how I managed to say it at all as I've never said it out loud before. You don't hate me do you? No of course you don't, you're obviously just confused or not sure what to think, I mean I know I'd be like that if one of friends told me they loved me, but honestly Hermione, I didn't mean to upset you if that's what I've done, but then if you are upset where are your tears 'cause you're not crying and oh Merlin, I'm rambling and I really need to shut up now.' I end my unplanned rant and attempt to catch my breath.

I chance a look up at brunette beauty but she's clearly still lost in thought.

'Please say something, Hermione…'

My friend seems to come out of her stupefied condition, shaking her head back and forth as she does.

_Oh Merlin, please don't hate me, please don't hate me, please don't hate me…_

'You…I mean…you really…huh?' She responds disorderly.

Now's my chance to tell her how I really feel while she's clearly lost for words.

_Use those balls, girl!_

'I'm…I'm in love with you, Hermione. I have been for a long time. You're still my best friend, you'll…you'll always be my best friend. But you'll always be _more_ than just my best friend too. That's why it didn't work with Harry and why it never will. I don't know if I'm gay or not, I just know that you mean everything to me and that without you…this world holds no meaning for me. The heart is a precious thing Hermione, and somehow you managed to capture mine. It wasn't something I meant to happen but then, love never plays out the way you think it will. If you loved me back Hermione, obviously that would be incredible but…I don't need you to love me back. All I need is to know that you're happy. Even if it means you're happy with someone else. That's all I need. Even if that someone is my brother.' I add with smirk feeling my confidence start to return to me. 'Every time I can see a smile on your face, then I smile too. Every time I hear you laugh…I feel my heart sing. When I see you sad, I feel my stomach drop. If I see you cry even one tear, my heart dies with the tears it cries for you. All I'll ever want and need is to see a smile on your face and know that you're happy in this world. So if makes you happy to be with Ron, then _be_ with Ron. If going back to school makes you happy, then you _go_ back to school. If you want to work in Magical Creatures department to make all the Goblins, House-Elves, Centaurs, Giants, Merpeople and whatever other creatures in this world equal to wizards, then you _make_ that equality happen like I _know_ you can. I'm not saying all this to make you feel sorry for me or to love me back or even guilt you into being with me. I'm telling you all this because you need to know. You need to know that I'll always believe you _can do_ those things, that I'll always believe in _you_, that I'll always be _here_ for you, whether it's to cheer alongside you as you make history…or to catch your tears as they fall. As long as I know you're happy, then I'm all good. So go be happy. As long as you know that my feelings for you aren't gonna change. You will _always_ be my best friend, Hermione…and I will _always_ be in love with you.'

As soon as I finish my probably longwinded speech, straightaway I notice that the dazed look has left the face of the girl of my dreams and that has been replaced with one I can't read. She just stares at me unmoving without saying a word.

I've said what I needed to say and it finally came out right when I needed to tell her. At least now she knows.

That's the last thought I let pass through my head before I turn and walk away back towards the house, leaving my favourite girl standing alone.

_I think I'll go see Luna so I can forget about my love life and focus on someone else's for a while…_


End file.
